Citing their years of sitting alone in the corner of dusty premises as ample experience, weird old men in pubs across Ireland and England are today set to become oracles of all things horse racing during Cheltenham week.
Sources reported thousands of creepy old lads, usually consigned to lonely sipping of pints throughout the other 51 weeks of the year, being inundated with requests for racing tips as the biggest week in the horse racing calendar kicks off.
“See him over there? Head over to him and he’ll sort you out with a tip – no bother,” fellow patrons across the British and Irish isles were heard saying in near unison on Monday. “Don’t mind the smell, he knows what he’s talking about.”
“Last year I won a grand off a single tip of his. Honest to God. If he looks at you weird that’s just his way. Don’t worry about it.”
At press time hundreds of thousands of clueless betting enthusiasts were believed to have wagered their entire week’s salary on the word of the uncomfortable looking soothsayer.