Football fan reminisces about all those he’s abused online as Twitter celebrates birthday


Saying that he could scarcely believe how long it had been, football fan Rob Taggart reportedly spent a large portion of his afternoon reminiscing about all those he had abused online after being notified of Twitter’s birthday.

Reclining in his chair, the 28-year-old civil servant recalled how he was “little more than a boy” when he first began using the social network to abuse strangers, while marvelling at the development of his own distinct brand of inhumanity.

“Back at the start it was all very relaxed; a little bit of football-related banter, telling people they’re stupid fuckers and, of course, some light racism,” said the self-described troll, adding that he had been surprised at the ease with which insults towards a people’s views on football could be transformed into full-on homophobia and misogyny. “You never forget the first time you send a woman death threats based on a throwaway football comment she made. Such a thrill.”

“Without Twitter, I wouldn’t be the unabashed piece of shit I am today. Sure, you’ve either got this level of antipathy for mankind or you don’t, but I have to say Twitter has helped me refine exactly what kind of weirdo I want to be.”

At press time, a defiant Taggart revealed he couldn’t possibly pick one favourite victim from the first ten years of Twitter, adding that he’d rather focus on finding new targets to subject to his abuse than bask in the warmth of past glories.