Jamie Vardy disgusted to find no Rustlers microwave burgers on England team menu

vardy-rustlers

Describing it as a shock to his system, Jamie Vardy was reportedly disgusted today to discover that the lunch menu for the England national team contained no Rustlers microwave burgers.

A starving Vardy allegedly dropped his menu in shock at the lack of what he described as “one of the best meals you can get your hands”.

“This is crap. Fucking crap. What the hell am I supposed to eat?” said the Leicester striker while perusing the list of options ranging from freshly-made linguine with chicken breast in a basil pesto to grilled monkfish with palenta in a fresh tomato sauce. “Foreign crap.”

“It’s quick, convenient, piping hot and there’s no mess. And it’s not bloody halal if that’s what you’re thinking.”

At press time the striker had calmed down after rummaging through his bag and finding a Frey Bentos Chicken and Mushroom Pie he’d packed earlier in the week.

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