Disappointed football fan yet to be offended today

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Saying that he was both expecting and hoping for much more annoyance upon his return to work, a disappointed football fan has revealed that he has yet to be offended today.

Speaking from his office in central Dublin, Ireland, Manchester United fan John Dunn expressed his disappointment that despite spending upwards of four hours on Twitter since arriving at work, he is yet to find one single statement that has caused him to spew his usual brand of vitriol.

“It’s a shock and a little hard to accept. I understand that the international break has taken place and as such, people aren’t focusing so much on the league yet, but still,” said the 25-year-old civil engineer, adding that he’s usually overreacted to at least six comments at this stage of the day.

“I scrolled down through my Twitter feed earlier on and was on the verge of absolutely losing it after reading a tweet about Anthony Martial. Sadly, I soon realised that I’d already taken umbrage with that very tweet not 12 hours ago.”

At press time, a disappointed Dunn had vowed to make up for his poor showing today by reacting inappropriately to twice as many things tomorrow.

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