Harley Street doctor makes extraordinary claims he not dough-faced attention-seeker

In a series of revelations that could potentially rock world football, a Harley Street doctor has made extraordinary claims that he is not a dough-faced weirdo merely out to seek as much attention as possible.

Dr. Mark Bonar, an unlicenced medical practitioner who lied to a former patient about her terminal cancer so he could continue to charge her for treatment, revealed to the Sunday Times that he is simply a doctor, and not in fact an opportunist liar that resembles a slightly burned Madame Tussauds waxwork of Louis Walsh.

“I am a normal looking doctor with years of experience who has no reason to disclose this information other than the fact that it is the truth,” claimed the hamster-cheeked physician, dismissing the widely held belief that the majority of his claims are without merit due to his history of dishonesty and the clear fact that his face is not normal.

“My jowls are no larger than any other mammal’s and my opinion is respected.”

At press time, Dr. Bonar refused to deny claims that he had Photoshopped his Twitter profile picture in a bid to make himself appear human.

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