Describing the situation as “unprecedented and worrying”, Manchester United have today called an emergency meeting of board members in the wake of news that 400 of the club’s Twitter followers had decided to boycott products manufactured by sponsors.
Hurriedly gathering the club’s executives, as well as honorary board members Sir Alex Ferguson and Bobby Charlton, executive vice chairman Ed Woodward informed those in attendance of the “terrifying” reality the club was facing.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the day we all feared has come. We must do something to save this club,” said the 44-year-old while frantically trying to avoid phone calls from the Glazer family. “How did it come to this?”
“Of course, we were naturally concerned when @MUFCMan69 confirmed his intention to avoid buying sponsor products until the manager was sacked, but we figured it would pass. What we didn’t know was that @BusbyBoii1982 was already concocting an identical plan. We only hope @StretfordEndLad89 doesn’t bring his weighty influence into this.”
When asked whether the club had plans in place to deal with the 400 fans potentially following through with threats to unfollow the club’s official Twitter account, a stressed Woodward said the club would have “place its faith in the hands of God”.
At press time, the club were said to be on the verge of sacking Louis van Gaal in a bid to appease the angry fans and return normality to Old Trafford.
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