With all parties indicating their delight in having finally come to a common consensus, a spokesperson for US Soccer announced today that the US women’s national team have agreed to coach the country’s men in exchange for equal pay.
Finally resolving a stalemate which had threatened to widen already deep chasms within the national set up, US Soccer revealed it was delighted to have agreed a deal which will not only see the country’s women paid what they deserve, but will also task them with passing on their wealth of knowledge to their unfortunate male compatriots.
“This is a win-win situation and frankly, it’s a relief to have this unfortunate affair behind all of us,” said president of the US Soccer Federation, Sunil Gulati, adding that while he was happy to have the pay dispute resolved, he was particularly excited to see what sort of lessons the men’s side could learn from the 2015 Women’s World Cup winners.
“Initially, we were solely focused on bridging the pay gap – it’s only fair – but we figured that when we have this abundance of top class experience and genuinely world-class talent, we’d be foolish not to take advantage.”
At a press conference this afternoon, four of the players who had raised the issue of pay inequality – Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe and Becky Sauerbrunn – welcomed the decision, and revealed they would be more than happy to offer advice to their countrymen.
“Of course we’ll help them out. When you’re in a position such as ours it’s only right to give something back to those less fortunate,” said Lloyd. “But it must be said, we’re not miracle workers.”