Aston Villa cancel Player of the Year awards due to lack of discernible footballers


Describing the decision as a difficult one but the only realistic option, Aston Villa have today cancelled their Player of the Year awards due to a distinct lack of discernible footballers on the team.

A statement released to the media today revealed that, on a purely logistical level, the club would be unable to hold end-of-season awards on account of not actually having any footballers.

“It just makes sense. As far as football clubs go we maybe have one or two, and that’s being generous, which really isn’t enough for an awards ceremony,” read the statement, adding that while squad members are undoubtedly being paid to play the sport, none have done anything this season to suggest that they are actually footballers.

At press time, Villa released a further statement announcing the cancellation of the customary Disappointment of the Year awards, insisting that there were simply too many options to choose from.

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