Fresh turmoil at Aston Villa as Randy Lerner loses keys to Villa Park


Aston Villa’s tumultuous season has been cast into fresh turmoil after it emerged that club owner Randy Lerner has today lost the keys to Villa Park.

Describing it as yet another dark chapter in what has been a season to forget for the Birmingham side, club officials today admitted that all stadium-based operations would be cancelled until further notice.

“It has been a difficult season for us all here at Villa Park, and our task is one made considerably harder by not having the keys to the stadium. We will attempt to do what we can but it doesn’t look good for the future,” said club secretary Sharon Barnhurst, adding that while Lerner knows he had the keys when he left his home, he is unaware of their current whereabouts.

The news provoked anger among the team’s fans, many of whom have watched their side go from European champions to relegation in the space of a few decades.

“This is a disgrace and it shows what a shambles this club is. Back when I was a lad there used to be 20 keys to the stadium, now we’ve lost the final one. It’s a sad state of affairs,” said one supporter outside the stadium.

Standing outside the stadium, a spokesperson for the Aston Villa Supporters Club revealed her organisation was unsurprised by the latest turn of events, insisting the “writing had been on the wall for some time”.

“We told them that they were playing with fire when they got rid of the rest of the keys but they wouldn’t listen, and look where we are now,” said Linda Frost.

At press time, Lerner rejected suggestions to call a locksmith and was instead frantically attempting to climb the façade of the stadium.

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