Man Utd fans weigh up staying home, stubbing toes repeatedly rather than renew season ticket


Saying that while they still love the club, this new alternative is an equally attractive option, record numbers of Manchester United fans are reportedly considering staying at home and repeatedly stubbing their toes rather than renewing their season tickets.

Research carried out by Manchester United Supporters Trust (MUST) found that 65 percent of current season ticket holders responded favourably to the option of remaining in their property on match days and repetitively bashing both feet against a variety of objects including door thresholds, table legs and couches.

“While many fans are loyal to the team, the club simply cannot match the entertainment and value for money on offer by remaining at your house and frequently and painfully stubbing each of your foot’s digits against a hard object,” said spokesperson Ron Malcolm, adding that fans had expressed excitement at the myriad ways in which they could stub their toes, and the various potential results of doing so.

“The club is being left behind and must act now to stop this loss of fans to what is, arguably, a more entertaining medium.”

At press time, a new survey had found that 85 percent of the club’s fans were interested in the option of travelling to Old Trafford to watch any team aside from Manchester United play.

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