Grim spectre of Alex Ferguson warns Ed Woodward against appointing Jose Mourinho

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Hearing the faint yet unmistakable murmur of swear words in a Scottish accent emitting from the corner of his bedroom, Ed Woodward was reportedly awoken last night by the grim spectre of Alex Ferguson warning him against appointing Jose Mourinho as manager of Manchester United.

“Don’t do it ya wee bollocks. He’s a prick and he’s no good,” the transparent and shackled vision of the former manager was quoted as saying as a terrified Woodward lay frozen with fear. “Choose him and you’ll live to regret it ya shite. Think of the club. Think of the history.”

“Give it to Giggsy, to Giggsy, to Giggsyyyyyy……” whispered the 74-year-old before fading into the abyss.

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