Suspension couldn’t have happened to a nicer prick, admits John Terry

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Saying that despite his sadness he knows that a no-good prick like him deserves nothing better, John Terry today admitted feeling a strange sense of schadenfreude at his own red card on Saturday.

Terry was sent off against Sunderland at the Stadium of Light during Chelsea’s 3-2 defeat, with his second red card of the season leaving him suspended for his final two Chelsea games.

Speaking today however, the club captain admitted that he got what he deserved given his behaviour over his entire career.

“Let’s face it, I’m a real piece of shit. So although I’m obviously disappointed I also feel a weird satisfaction that I’ve finally gotten what’s been coming to me for so long,” said the former England captain, adding that he the suspension couldn’t have happened to a worse human being.

“After the racism, the cheating, the full-kit thing and just my general horrendous nature, I really can’t think of a more fitting end for a grade-A bastard such as myself.”

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