Louis van Gaal looking forward to long, needlessly convoluted and ultimately fruitless holiday

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Saying that it will do him some good to take the weight off by meandering slowly around the world before likely choosing the wrong destination, Louis van Gaal today admitted that he’s looking forward to a long, needlessly convoluted and ultimately fruitless holiday.

Speaking after his sacking by Manchester United, the Dutch coach revealed that his first course of action would be to spend an annoyingly long time in various poorly-chosen holiday locations.

“As disappointing as it is to leave this club, I look forward to laboriously travelling with my wife and relaxing in a perplexing manner before returning home disappointed,” said the former Bayern Munich coach.

At press time, van Gaal had booked a 5am flight to Siberia involving well over a dozen layovers.