Saying that it’s always a nice feeling to bring terror and havoc to a small, relatively unknown affair, a hipster ISIS cell today revealed that they are planning an attack on a quaint, non-commercial amateur football tournament this summer.
“If people want to target the World Cup or the European Championship then that’s fine, but everyone is aiming for the big, commercial tournaments these days. It’s just a bit over already, y’know?” said the group’s tattooed and bearded spokesperson, adding that he and his 100-strong group of vegan terrorists had decided on their target after a thorough search of leaflets at numerous juice bars and pop-up restaurants.
“These sort of tournaments are a world away from the big, flashy affairs that all the sheeple go to. You know there’s not going to be a huge mainstream crowd there so it’s a really nice spot to spend some time before departing for paradise.”
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