“I want all my teammates to play well,” says visibly pained Ronaldo through gritted teeth


Incessantly sweating and twitching as he rocked in his seat, a visibly pained Cristiano Ronaldo today stated through gritted teeth that he wants each of his teammates to perform well in tonight’s Champions League final.

“Of course, as a team player I would like to see all of my colleagues play well and show their full potential,” the Portuguese forward unconvincingly told a room of journalists, insisting that he certainly hadn’t prayed last night for his team to underperform and for him to be the only member of Real Madrid’s team to impress in Milan.

“They are all good men and deserve to enjoy their big day just as much as me. This is about the team,” he added before wiping a tear from his eye.

At press time, the former Manchester United attacker was reportedly vomiting in a bid to cleanse himself after his comments.

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