Saying that he wouldn’t be able to live in a world where Lionel Messi was considered a superior criminal to him, Cristiano Ronaldo reportedly began to channel funds to various offshore accounts today in a bid to outshine the Argentine forward’s tax evasion.
Frantically contacting his various financial advisors and lawyers, the Real Madrid star revealed that he’s confident he will soon be considered not only a better footballer than the diminutive Barcelona attacker, but also a much more prolific and devious evader of Spain’s tax system.
“I want to be the best and when you want to be the best it can’t just be about one thing,” said the Portuguese striker, admitting that the attention lavished upon Messi over allegations regarding his tax dealings had burned him up inside. “If people think Messi is good at this, just wait until they see me.”
“I have all the attributes to be remembered as one of the greatest tax evaders of all time. With my countless endorsements, as well as my wages, my potential for fraud is limitless.”
At press time, Ronaldo revealed that in the event of Messi receiving jail time for his improprieties, he would seek to commit a significantly more heinous crime with the aim of being given a longer sentence.