French police called in as Swiss fans embroiled in mildly exuberant handshake 


Describing the scene as horrifically placid and disturbingly banal, French police were called upon last night to break up a number of Switzerland fans embroiled in a mildly exuberant handshake.

Barely affected witnesses at the scene described how up to fifty police officers intervened to bring an end to the mounting calm surrounding the incident.

“Oh wow, it was boring. These guys were just standing next to each other and their speech was barely audible. All the while, the rest of the Swiss fans just stood there in utter indifference,” said one witness, adding that she had never seen such a noncombatant attitude from football fans in her entire life. “Eventually, the police got them to stop the handshake after convincing them that neither would be deemed impolite.”

At press time, French police had decided to throw a number of flares and canisters of tear gas towards a group of Swiss fans in a bid to make them do something exciting.

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