Alan Brazil likely to erupt in next week, warn seismologists 

Saying that it will be an event remembered for centuries, seismologists today warned that Alan Brazil will likely erupt in the next week.

Speaking after the completion of a year-long study on the volatile Scot, scientists at the University of Edinburgh revealed that the former Ipswich player’s eruption is set to be violent and potentially dangerous.

“After close observation we have deduced that Mr. Brazil is more than likely going to experience an enormous and violent eruption in the next week,” said Dr. Gates, adding that the former Scotland international’s ever-reddening complexion was evidence of an imminent explosion.

“We have always advised against any form of contact with this ancient and mostly inactive natural behemoth, and at no time has that been the case more than right now.”

At press time, travellers planning trips to Europe in the next month were warned to make contingency plans due to the likely interruption from fumes emitted from Brazil.