Letting out an enormous sigh as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, a disappointed Mark Lawrenson reportedly woke this morning to the crushing realisation that he is still Mark Lawrenson.
Grabbing handfuls of his drooping flesh in his hands, the former Liverpool defender was said to have cursed his luck of having to endure a 21,535th consecutive day of being himself.
“Not you again,” the 59-year-old muttered to himself as he sipped a glass of orange juice on the balcony of his five-star, paid-for-by-the-BBC Parisian hotel. “Well, that’s it. Today’s a write-off.”
At press time, a determined Lawrenson decided to make the most of the day while ensuring all those in contact with him were made fully aware of his contempt for the world.