“English spirit” actually just failure, study finds

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After years of research, a controversial new study has revealed that the much-touted “English spirit” in football is more correctly defined as failure.

Speaking at a brief press conference today, researchers revealed that having extensively studied the history of country’s football spirit, any and all successes were merely a statistical blip.

“You hear a lot of discussion about the English spirit in this sport, but people don’t appear to realise that this is not necessarily a good thing,” said lead researcher Dr. Jim Hay, adding that all historical and present-day information suggests that the intangible concept is little more than exceptionalism mixed with mediocrity.

“The World Cup win in 1966 is undoubtedly a cherished memory in England, and rightly so, but all evidence points to this being a mere accident when compared to every other moment of consistent heartache and anguish experienced by the country.

“Perhaps English football should look towards other styles, ones that actually mean something aside from empty platitudes and shouting.”

At press time, the research team strongly suggested that, whatever the “English spirit” actually is, the nation should avoid it at all costs in future.