Beaming with pride at how badly the trip had gone in every regard, Ed Woodward today insisted that Manchester United’s Beijing tour was perfect preparation for the season of incompetence ahead.
Speaking after the Premier League side arrived home from its pre-season tour of the Chinese capital, Woodward stated that he could not think of a better way to ready the club for yet another season of poor planning and logistics.
“Honestly, this journey couldn’t have gone better if it had actually been correctly planned. The whole plane journey, the pitch debacle, the press conference issues when we arrived in Beijing – it was a masterpiece,” said Woodward, adding that he was confident that the club would use the momentum gained during the tour during the season ahead.
“After some wonderfully inept incidents of planning last year, including every bus journey to London, we have a lot to live up to in that regard. Don’t let our early business in the transfer window fool you into thinking we know what we’re doing. Because I’m sure that we don’t.
“The players are totally wrecked. The manager’s annoyed. It’s been a great trip.”
At press time, Woodward assured fans he had a few more tricks up his sleeve and that he was confident of sabotaging a few more transfers before the beginning of the season.