Thousands engage in bitter dispute over someone else’s money


Thousands of Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester City, Chelsea and Juventus fans today entered the bitter stages of their weeks-long argument over someone else’s money.

The feud reportedly developed around the proposed transfer of midfielder Paul Pogba from Juventus to his former club Manchester United for a fee of over £100m.

Despite being unaffected by and having no connection to the large sums being transferred, hundreds of thousands of Twitter users were reportedly embroiled in vociferous squabbles over a number of points, such as the value being gained from the spending of money that isn’t theirs and the ethics of other parties spending their money how they wish.

“They’re really going batshit crazy. Manchester United fans are boasting about money that they don’t own, while rivals fans are getting really angry about the same amount, which they don’t own either,” said one observer, who theorised how these people might react to a situation that has a tangible impact upon their lives.

“What’s weirdest is that Juventus supporters appear to be feeling smug at the amount of money their club is receiving, despite the fact that none of them will see a cent of it. It’s pretty odd.”

At press time, a further one million football fans were said to be furiously screenshotting years-old tweets regarding Pogba and his likely future destination.