Football agent Mino Raiola has today been named Chancer of the Year at a ceremony held in Monte Carlo.
Surrounded by the best and brightest from the world of chancers, Raiola beat out competition from the likes Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, legendary phone hacker Piers Morgan and the Republican Party candidate for the US presidential election Donald Trump to take home the prize for 2016.
In an acceptance speech described by one attendant as “minimal effort, maximum gain”, the Italian paid tribute to the modern world in which we live for creating the opportunity for someone like him to somehow prosper.
“Thank you all. This means so much. Knowing how little work I’ve put in and how many corners and easy decisions I’ve made in life to avoid getting a real job, it makes this award all the more worthwhile,” said Raiola, before thanking his client Paul Pogba for believing that he needs him in his career.”
“Were this a different sort of society, one that demands hard work and talent from everyone, there’s a good chance that I would be long dead by now, and all of you too. But we live in a world that appreciates lucky bastards who try to skate by, and I am thankful for that.”
According to sources, Raiola later cut off his speech mid-sentence, before leaving the stage and finding €1,000 in cash while returning to his seat.