Jose Mourinho to test playing Wayne Rooney in hole, miles from stadium

wayne rooney hole

Jose Mourinho has hinted that he may well have found a new role for Wayne Rooney.

Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho today hinted at a new role for Wayne Rooney in his squad, and admitted that he may test playing the club captain in the hole he dug miles from Old Trafford.

Speaking today, the Portuguese manager spoke of his admiration for Rooney, and insisted that he may well have a role to play in the cold, muddy hole for years to come.

“People say that Wayne is over the hill, but I do not agree. He has always been a part of my plans. He can play in many positions in the attack, but he may be best used playing just in the hole I have dug, just five miles from here,” said Mourinho of the purpose-built, five-and-a-half foot-deep trench which he dug in secluded and dense shrubbery.

“By utilising Wayne here it grants him the responsibility he craves. This will be his hole, he must take care of it and show me that he is capable of doing so. He will also be granted the freedom to roam, as he loves to do, around the three foot-wide ditch.”

Aside from this, Mourinho revealed that he will personally visit Rooney at the hole prior to every home game for regular updates and critiques.

“I believe Wayne has a lot to offer in this role, and I look forward to seeing his progress deep inside of it.”

At press time, Rooney had reportedly shocked scientists and defied the laws of nature after somehow slowing down the hole.