Remarking on the newly-acquired strut and cocky attitude that appears to have been newly-acquired in the last 36 hours, friends of Manchester United fan James Crimble revealed to reporters on Wednesday that the 29-year-old is currently acting like he alone conducted and arranged Paul Pogba’s transfer to Old Trafford.
Speaking after confirmation of the French midfielder’s signing from Italian champions Juventus, sources close to Crimble disclosed that the copy editor’s delight appears to go beyond the normal excitement at a new signing.
“James has been talking about this one for a while, so we’re all happy for him as a supporter. But he’s played no actual part in it so his reaction is a little over the top,” said housemate and Liverpool fan Peter Walters, revealing that Crimble’s insistence that “that’s how we do things at Old Trafford” was particularly odd given the fact that he had never actually visited the stadium.
“He keeps telling me that I’ll never understand how these transfer deals work, as if he wrote up the contract himself.”
The situation has reportedly gotten so bad that it has made other friends of Crimble nostalgic about his recent three-year malaise, during which time he was said to have treated Manchester United’s struggles in the manner one would treat a death in the family, or serious illness.
“Honestly, all that moping and grumpiness seemed bad at the time, but I’d take it any day over this weird undeserved arrogance,” said his colleague Thomas Ruddock.
At press time, Crumble was said to be giving friends meticulously detailed advice on what their club could do to attain his and Manchester United’s level of success.