Aloof Man Utd “sorta weirded out” by Schweinsteiger letter


“We like Bastian Schweinsteiger, just not in the same way he clearly loves us.”

Saying that he’s a really nice guy and that they never meant to give him the wrong impression, an aloof Manchester United admitted today that they’re “sorta weirded out” by Bastian Schweinsteiger’s letter to fans.

Schweinsteiger, a Germany and Bayern Munich legend, has found opportunities and fitness difficult to come by since his move to Old Trafford last summer.

With speculation mounting regarding his future at the club, the 31-year-old released a statement today in which he professed his love for both the club and its fans.

The statement however appears to have had an unintentional reaction among club officials, many of whom admitted they’re “freaked out” by how strong he came on.

“Don’t get us wrong. We really like Bastian, just not in the same way that so clearly loves us,” read a club statement released in response. “Bastian is lovely. But seeing him say in clear words just how obsessed he is with us has made us realize that we really don’t feel the same way.”

“Were we hopeful that this whole thing might work out at first? Of course, otherwise we never would’ve committed to it. We weren’t trying to mess him around. Honestly, this has all just gotten too serious too quickly.”

At press time, the club announced that they would love to stay in contact with Schweinsteiger and that they hope things aren’t going to be weird between them in future.