Lonely Sky Sports News reporter sticks dildo in his own ear

dildo

“It’s just not the same,” said Sky Sports News presenter Alan Irwin while pushing a dildo into his own ear.

Letting out a disappointing sigh while bemoaning his lack of company, lonely Sky Sports News presenter Alan Irwin reportedly spent a large portion of his morning sticking a large blue dildo into his own ear.

“It’s just not the same,” said Irwin while outside of Stoke City’s bet365 Stadium, referring to measures introduced last year which prohibited crowds from attending live transfer deadline day broadcasts near grounds. “It’s only fun if someone else is doing it; repeatedly jabbing this sex toy into my head.”

“Transfer deadline day is, in reality, five percent transfers and 95 percent dildos. But no, the big wigs had to go and ruin it,” he was later overheard saying to himself repeatedly.

At press time, sources claimed Irwin was spending the time between broadcasts approaching and asking people to penetrate his ear with the flaccid silicone penis.