Sam Allardyce has confirmed that Wayne Rooney will continue to play in the number 10 role for England, and will do so for all eternity.
Speaking ahead of his first match as England manager, the former Sunderland coach admitted that he has seen little in Rooney’s game to make him question his ability to continue in the role until end times.
“Wayne is a player with a massive amount of experience at the top level. I’ve watched him for years and I expect to watch him for many more years, if not eons, to come,” said Allardyce, adding that he’s seen enough in his few glimpses in training to suggest that Rooney will be able to dictate play from the hole up to and including a time when the planet’s waters begin to boil and the growing sun devours the planet.
“Does Wayne have enough in his tank to live beyond us all and be a commanding figure in a desolate wasteland inhabited by no one but himself? Yes. He’s simply that good a player.”
At press time, Allardyce also revealed that he had invited Noel Edmonds to meet and entertain the squad, during which time he will explore the possibility of using the comedian’s “cancer box” as part of his side’s medical set up.