Ex-pro pundits unanimously reject motion to watch teams and players they talk about

watch

“If we spend all our time trying to watch and research football, we’ll have no time for the banter.”

Saying that the proposed measures would simply add unnecessary stress to their already busy schedules, ex-footballer pundits today unanimously rejected a motion to watch the team and players they talk about on television.

The motion – suggested by a group including footballers, managers and fans after years of mounting pressure – was swiftly turned down by the pundits during a meeting in central London yesterday after three minutes of deliberation.

Speaking today, a representative group of ex-pro pundits explained their rejection of the idea, and insisted that their quality of work won’t suffer as a result of it.

“As a whole, we were insulted by the suggestion that we should actually watch the players and teams we discuss. We’re ex-footballers! I don’t need to have watched Bayern Munich in the last three years to tell you what kind of manager Pep is,” said a visibly annoyed Charlie Nicholas, before mumbling to himself and staring silently when asked to elaborate. “If we spend all our time trying to watch and research football, we’ll have no time for the banter.”

The sentiment was echoed by former Manchester United goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel, who admitted that he was insulted at the mere idea that he should actually prepare for paid work.

“I’m a Premier League winner, a Champions League winner. Anyone who thinks I need to watch a player or even know his name to know if he’s good clearly doesn’t understand football. You either get football or not, simple.”

At press time, fellow pundit Paul Merson announced his intention to devote his free time to looking cheeky and laughing maniacally rather than learn about the game which he spent nearly two decades playing.