David Moyes thanks God Sunderland start somehow not much worse than predecessors 


Blessing himself as he wiped a bead of sweat from his furrowed brow, a relieved David Moyes today thanked God that his poor start as Sunderland manager is somehow not that bad compared to his predecessors.

Speaking after yet another defeat left Sunderland without a Premier League win in the month of September for the sixth consecutive season, Moyes expressed gratitude that his predecessors’ equally appalling starts had left him relatively free of criticism.

“Honestly, if it the guys that were here before me hadn’t been so inept, people might be getting twitchy already. They’d at least be questioning me. If this was a different club, the heat would be on. But these poor fuckers just take it. It’s kind of sad,” said the Scot, admitting that he appreciated the poor foundations which had been laid by successive managers.

“They’ve really left me barely anything to work with, which is handy. Sometimes you come into a club with good players and a lot is expected of you. Here, we’re already set up for failure, which is ideal.”

At press time, the ex-Manchester United manager stated that no matter what happens this season, he takes solace in the fact that he won’t be entirely to blame.