Derby County suspend Nigel Pearson due to disappointing results, personality 

Championship side Derby County have suspended manager Nigel Pearson due to a disappointing sequence of results and his horrific personality, the club confirmed in a statement today. 

“We had a particular set of expectations going into this campaign but unfortunately results haven’t been up to scratch and Nigel truly is one of the worst people any of us have ever met,” read the statement on the club’s official website, which added that Pearson’s record of one win from nine league games, allied with brutish behaviour on a daily basis, had made his position untenable.

“To have scored just three goals this season is hugely disappointing and frankly, Nigel is an unbearable arsehole who we should have never hired.”