Saying that it’s just a bit of fun and certainly not related to any current issues, Wayne Rooney today insisted that the Zlatan Ibrahimovic voodoo doll he’s been carrying around for a month is for purely recreational purposes.
Speaking to Manchester United’s in-house television station, MUTV, today, the club captain laughed off suggestions that his crude homemade effigy and the pins placed inside of it have anything to do with the Swede’s current run of form.
“Of course I’m not causing Zlatan to experience the worst run of his career by following a methodical routine of hourly pin insertions, chants and ancient rituals,” said the 31-year-old, adding that he is also not responsible for any potential rapid ageing that the former PSG man may undergo in the coming months.
“It’s just a doll I like to constantly hold and squeeze, spit on, shout at and pinch. Nothing more, nothing less.”
At press time, Rooney stated that he was confident the club would overcome their current form, especially after Ander Herrera recovers from the mysterious stomach pains which he will soon experience.