Outrage as investigation reveals zero footballers have changed their names to “Poppy” to honour fallen soldiers


More than 383,000 British soldiers dying in WWII alone, yet no Premier League players have changed their name to “Poppy”.

There was widespread anger across the British Isles today after a BBC investigation revealed that not one single footballer in Britain had changed their name to “Poppy” to honour fallen soldiers.

Conducted in secret over the course of two weeks, the team of investigative journalists found that each of Britain’s 3,000-plus professional footballers is still going by their given birth name, despite the fact that more than 383,000 British soldiers lost their lives in World War II alone.

“We’ve run the numbers and examined thousands of documents from courts up and done the country and there’s no doubt about it; not one player has changed his name to ‘Poppy’,” admitted lead investigator Jason Ranger.

Many supporters have reacted with anger to the news, claiming that it shows a lack of respect and is indicative of the insulated lives in which footballers live.

“It’s just a disgrace and it makes me ashamed an angry. It’d be quite easy for these fellas to pop down to the local court, fill out a few forms and hey presto, you’d have ‘Poppy Rooney’, ‘Poppy Terry’ or ‘Poppy Sturridge’,” said one angry fan of soldiers, adding that the failure to fulfill this gesture is tantamount to defecating on the graves of each and every one of the United Kingdom’s fallen heroes.

“They’re quite happy to play here and take the Queen’s money but they couldn’t be bothered to legally change their first name for a week or so? Our brave heroes didn’t fight for this country’s freedom so that others could choose to disrespect them.”

At press time, many angry citizens were organising protests up and down Britain after discovering that many World War II soldiers had disrespected the poppy by repeatedly walking on the scared flower during the war.