Football Focus presenter Dan Walker is reportedly in the process of preparing for the second coming of Christ today after rumours emerged that tonight’s supermoon will herald in the apocalypse.
A well-known television personality and staunch Creationist, Walker was said to have been ebullient as he left BBC studios this afternoon and was even heard shouting “You all thought I was crazy to not work Sundays, well who’s laughing now?” to colleagues throughout the building.
Returning home to celebrate the impending return of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, the 39-year-old was reveling in the knowledge that he would no longer have to inhabit his vessel of flesh and bones for much longer.
“This is it. Oh yes, this is certainly it. It’s been a good run, no doubt about that,” Walker delightedly remarked to his family as they lit candles in their specially-built Creationist chapel inside the grounds of his home. “6,000 years of life on Earth is nothing to be scoffed at. Humans have done a lot in that time and we should be proud of that, but this is the big one.”
As well as holding a ceremony on his property, Walker is believed to have designed a number of “Hello Jesus” signs, as well as a 30-page scrapbook showcasing all of mankind’s achievements since the universe was created less than 10 millennia ago.
At press time, Walker was said to be practicing how he would greet the Son of God, unsure whether to lead with a formal handshake or some kind of hug.