Local man nursing hangover in work disgusted at Wayne Rooney drinking story

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Nursing a hangover as he sat at his desk, financial adviser Jim Clip mocked Rooney’s professionalism.

Wiping a small amount of vomit off his lip while groggily staring at his computer, local man Jim Clip expressed his disgust at the ongoing Wayne Rooney drinking story while nursing a hangover in work this afternoon.

Remarking how one could expect little more from a Scouse footballer, Clip, a financial adviser who the night before had consumed ten shots, seven pints and four vodkas, criticised the Man United player for his unprofessional behaviour.

“These footballers are a fucking disgrace aren’t they?! Absolute scum,” said the 42-year-old divorced father-of-two to colleagues while downing his third Berocca and sixth painkillers of the day. “They think they can do whatever they want and get away with it.”

“What sort of example is it to go around acting like that?” he added while dodging a phone call from his eldest son. “It’s just shameful.”

At press time, Clip was composing a tweet mocking Rooney’s future career prospects mere moments before being called into his boss’ office and being reprimanded over his conduct.