Securing his hands around the elasticated fabric and yanking skyward, Mirror football journalist John Cross today wedgied a nerd colleague for asking a Premier League manager a question about his tactics.
Standing proudly in front of a cheering newsroom, Cross reportedly laughed with glee as his dorky fellow writer Percy Glymm groaned in prolonged agony, less than 24 hours after he had asked Tottenham Hotspur coach Mauricio Pochettino regarding his high defensive line.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, asking him about his team like that? You think you’re better than me? You think you’re too good to ask managers about their players’ passion and heart instead of the intricate details of the game?” shouted the visibly angry but still laughing Cross. “You’re not cut out for this industry if you have to ask questions like that Percy my lad.”
At press time, Cross had smashed his colleague’s computer to pieces after noticing him reading an article about football analytics.