Insisting that the noxious gases and deformed residents wouldn’t interfere with the tournament, FIFA today confirmed that the arid nuclear wasteland that the United States will soon become is the favourite to host the 2026 World Cup.
Speaking from Zurich today, FIFA president Gianni Infantino admitted that while there will undoubtedly be difficulties involved in hosting the tournament in the toxic dust bowl the United States is set to be transformed into, football’s governing body is confident the competition will go off without a hitch.
“There remain many options for this World Cup. Aside from the nuclear wasteland that the US will come to be, there’s also the option of the war-decimated area once known as Europe, or the water colonies of Russia,” said Infantino today, adding that despite that FIFA continues to lean towards the US due to the cool conditions which are set to be brought on by the imminent nuclear winter.
“Already, we are making preparations. Security, in the form of nanobots which will instantaneously wipe out bands of roaming cannibals, are near trial stage, while we are close to completion on an exciting new ball which has extra curl.”
At press time, Infantino also leaned towards the possibility of allocating a set number of tickets to the sub-human creatures that likely inhabit the sewers of North America in the near future.