In a move that many at Selhurst Park believe could massively alter the trajectory of their season, Sam Allardyce has reportedly made a late bid to reverse time and not accept the Crystal Palace job.
Speaking after yet another defeat as manager of the struggling London side, Allardyce revealed he would utilise the breadth of the club’s funds to travel back in time and do literally anything other than take on the responsibility of saving them from relegation.
“The Premier League is a very competitive league and unfortunately we’re struggling at the moment. With that in mind I simply have to be open to all possibilities. That could be looking into securing some loans, or it could involve my ripping a tear in the space time continuum and rejecting the opportunity to manage this club in the first place. We’ll see,” said Allardyce today, adding that while he remains hopeful of becoming the first person ever to go back in time, he’ll need to get it done quickly.
“These things are difficult, especially in January. It’s a lot harder to get any deals done at this stage of year and trying to go back and change the course of history is no different.”
At press time, a dejected Allardyce was said to be second-guessing his plans after Sammy Lee insisted he take him with him.