80% of football fan’s time spent pretending he knows footballers he’s never heard of


Student and football Winston Jones has revealed that most of his day is spent pretending to know players he’s never heard of.

Saying that it is becoming increasingly difficult to function in any other capacity, football fan Winston Jones admitted today that 80 percent of his time is spent pretending to know footballers he’s never heard of.

Speaking this afternoon, the 21-year-old Liverpool fan and architecture student confessed that he literally cannot remember the last time he was allowed to go 24 hours without being forced to feign knowledge in at least five different players.

“I have to say, it’s very hard. At first I didn’t mind pretending to know the odd player here and there. No one wants to look stupid but it’s at least 20 players on a daily basis now and ,” said Jones, adding that over the course of January alone he had been forced to act as if he knew more than 2,000 footballers he had previously been utterly aware of.

“I can barely go two minutes without being forced to pretend I know about some guy that I first heard about that very minute.”

Despite the difficulty involved, Jones revealed that he had learned a couple of useful techniques applicable in such situations.

“I’ve noticed that if someone mentions a player to me and I just say ‘Oh yeah, that’s the guy who…’ and just trail off, people will invariably finish my sentence and assume I knew what I was saying. Either that or I just say ‘Yeah, he’s really underrated’ or ‘I can’t believe no one’s put a bid in for him yet’.”