Saying that he has found himself increasingly intrigued at the idea of witnessing and even participating in life on the “other side”, Arsene Wenger today announced his intention to join Arsenal Fan TV upon retirement.
Speaking today, Arsenal’s French manager – who is reportedly weighing up a two-year contract extension at the club – refused to divulge exactly when he would retire, but revealed that as soon as he does so he will join the likes of Moh, Robbie and Heavy D outside of the Emirates each matchday.
“I have long pondered what I shall embark upon after I leave this club. I have considered many areas that I might be interested in but, truthfully, I love Arsenal too much to move to a different city, and I love this sport too much to leave it entirely,” said Wenger, adding that as part of his preparation he plans to set up a Twitter account with the username @RelentlessWxnger, as well as learning details about his future colleagues, such as where they live and what routes they take while walking home.
“It will be an interesting change for me. I have heard them shout from outside the stadium so it will be nice to do the shouting for once. Above all though, I’d just like the opportunity to subject the poor fucker that takes over from me to the same torment which I have endured for years.”
At press time, Wenger added that as soon as he tires of the viral video makers, he will more than certainly murder them all.