Duncan Castles convinces himself Mourinho planning last-minute Valentine’s Day surprise

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Castles is believed to have spent the majority of the evening waiting for Jose Mourinho to surprise him on Valentine’s Day.

Quickly switching between a wide range of emotions including sadness, excitement and guilt, Duncan Castles is said to have convinced himself this evening that Jose Mourinho is planning a Valentine’s Day surprise for him.

Sitting patiently at his dining room table while struggling to avert his gaze from the dormant phone next to him, the Scottish journalist reportedly persuaded himself that the Portuguese manager’s lack of contact throughout the day or preceding weeks was due to an elaborate and soon-to-be-revealed romantic gesture, rather than a total lack of interest.

“I must admit, I was fairly down earlier. I woke up excited but as the day went on and I had no contact from him I began to despair. Then, I realised it: this is all part of the surprise,” said the well-known football writer as he attempted to distract himself by writing a series of tweets complimenting the Manchester United coach and denigrating his rivals.

“Jose is a showman; a passionate, Mediterranean, bronzed Adonis of a showman. He would never simply call or text me and ask me out. Nor would he merely send me flowers or some chocolates. He wants to make a fantastic, last-minute gesture to really surprise me and sweep me off my feet. I can only imagine how amazing it will be.”

According to sources close to Castles, such behaviour is not unusual, especially on romantic occasions.

“Poor lad. He always gets like this on Christmas or Valentine’s Day,” said Edna Reynolds, a neighbour of Castles who had seen the writer regularly peak his head out the door throughout the day in search of Mourinho. “Every time he gets excited about what Jose will do and every time he’s left disappointed.”

“We just hope some day he’ll be able to forget about him and move on,” added Reynolds, before entering Castles house after hearing loud sobs coming from inside.