Saying that her angry reaction was simply indicative of widespread bias against him, Jose Mourinho today claimed that his would have loved his gift of petrol station flowers had they not been a “Mourinho gift”.
“If this wasn’t a Mourinho gift you’d call it beautiful,” the Portuguese coach reportedly told his wife Matilda this morning, shortly after handing her the £4.99 bouquet of what his local Asda filling station advertised as “yellow flowers”.
Responding to his wife of 27 years’ anger and disappointment at the gift, the Manchester United manager admitted that he expects little else in a world with so much prejudice against him.
“These flowers, these beautiful yellow things, are very good. They perform their task, and they smell good, but because they are a Mourinho gift you don’t like them,” said the 54-year-old, adding that if the flowers had been purchased by either Antonio Conte or Pep Guardiola they’d no doubt be described as “art”.
“I am used to this. It does not affect me, but the bouquet does not deserve this. They try their best.”
At press time, Mourinho’s wife was said to have grown further dismayed after a tuxedo-wearing Marouane Fellaini elbowed her in the face while serving the couple breakfast.