Standing alone in his bedroom while looking in the mirror, former Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew reportedly took time out his day this afternoon and expressed his love for himself ahead of a Valentine’s Day dinner with his wife.
Speaking quietly to his reflection, Pardew was said to be in a near trance-like state after meeting his own gaze, before licking his licks and pouring his heart out to the person he described as his “one true love”.
“I don’t tell you this enough, but you’re my rock and I love you,” said Pardew as his pupils dilated to twice their usual size and his pulse quickened. “I know some people out there say you’re not good for me, but I just can’t get enough. You complete me and I can’t imagine my life without staring into your beautiful face every single day.”
“I know I have other commitments and we don’t get to spend as much time alone as we’d like, but today of all days, I wanted you to know that you’re the most important person in the world to me. I’ll be out with my wife tonight, but just know I’ll be thinking of you,” added the ex-Newcastle coach as his eyes began to well up.
Shortly after hearing a call from his wife downstairs, sources confirmed that Pardew sprinted back towards the mirror before stealing a kiss from himself, wiping the sweat off his brow, and hurriedly leaving a room with a sigh.