Saying that he’s going to see what he can do and “whatever happens happens”, David Moyes today admitted that he secretly hopes to get lost during Sunderland’s winter break to New York.
Speaking just over a day after the Premier League side arrived in the United States for a trip planned to help take their minds off their ongoing relegation battle, the Scot revealed that if he has his way he won’t be flying back with the squad.
“At first the trip seemed a great idea to help the boys relax during this stressful time, then I realised it was the opportunity I’d been hoping for. I don’t have the heart to resign at the Stadium of Light, or face all the rubbish from the media, but this city is big enough for no one to ever recognise me again,” said the former Everton manager, adding that though he is yet to decide how he’ll escape, he’s confident of doing so.
“I’m thinking I’ll just go for a walk early one morning and see where it leads me. I’ll just keep walking. Maybe I’ll spend the rest of my days on a fishing trawler, maybe I’ll start selling crack. I wouldn’t mind it to be honest. I don’t love coffee but I could get used to drinking it. And unless I bump into Bradley Wright-Phillips no one will know who I am. Heck, I might even change my name; as long as I don’t have to go back I don’t care.”
A source close to the story said that Moyes’ “hey, I’m walking here” still betrayed a Scottish twang but added that it was already surprisingly convincing, and with practice he might just be able to pass for a local.