Saying that there was no way he was going to let some of his most disappointing creations get away with such an embarrassing and pathetic act, God today revealed that He was planning a “fuck off” storm to spare Arsene Wenger the indignity of having to face a plane protest from some of Arsenal’s supporters.
Speaking during the week, the Father of Christ admitted that while he would never ordinarily step in to help a single individual – or really anyone for that matter – he felt obliged to create a storm during tomorrow’s game at West Bromwich Albion.
“I don’t usually do this. Of course I’m in control of all the major tornadoes and earthquakes as well as the tsunamis and all the apocalyptic style events, but usually I just try and let it happen without meddling too much in the day-to-day,” said the Heavenly Father today, adding that he finally decided to take action after reading tweets from a variety of “Wenger Out” protesters.
“At first I wasn’t going to intervene but then read some of the shit these guys were writing and I thought ‘nah, I can’t just sit back here and watch a good man be humiliated’. I can hear all of their thoughts, I know how happy he’s made them in the past, and they’re willing to do this now? No chance. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let those weirdos fly that plane.”
At press time, the Forgiver of Sins admitted that while some aspects of the storm remain up in the air, he has tactical lightning strikes planned for Arsenal Fan TV before and after the game.