“At least we won the war,” says England fan with no personal achievements of note 

england fan war

An England fan with no personal achievements took solace from England’s victory in the war after defeat against Germany.

Saying that a mere football friendly pales in comparison to the devastation handed down to Germany by the British army, an England fan with no personal achievements of note took solace in the result of World War II after his country’s defeat in Dortmund tonight.

Speaking mere moments after Gareth Southgate’s side fell to a 1-0 defeat at the Westfalenstadion, football fan, xenophobe and non-achiever Colin Edwards insisted that the Allied’s comprehensive victory over Nazi Germany seven decades ago left the result of tonight’s match meaningless.

“It would’ve been nice to win tonight but at least we fucking bombed the shit out of their cities and towns,” said the unemployed man whose life is so devoid of meaning he takes pride from the deaths of soldiers.

“That’s what really fucking matters. Those Krauts will never forget we bet them, not after we sang our songs,” added the man who not only didn’t fight in World War II himself, but didn’t have any relatives who participated in it.

At press time, Edwards was excitedly planning his next trip to the continent with the rest of his equally Euro-phobic friends.