Excitedly entering the publication’s office for what he hoped would be the first day of a long career, an aspiring writer of thinly-veiled racism disguised as sport today began work placement with the Daily Mail.
Describing himself as a lifelong proponent of the denigration of minorities under the guise of journalism, graduate Mark Dimbleby revealed that having the opportunity to snipe at the reputation of black footballers will be a dream come true.
“It’s very exciting. From a very young age I’ve felt an irrational hatred and insecurity towards minorities of all kinds, so it’ll be brilliant to be have the chance to belittle them daily using articles that on the surface are about football,” said the 21-year-old today, adding that he was already preparing a 2,000-word piece detailing how Wilfried Zaha’s flamboyant playing style was an insult to England’s footballing heritage.
“They say if you find a job you love you’ll never work a day in your life. For me – an aspiring writer just out of college – to be able to combine my major dislike of black and brown people with my literary skills is really something beyond my wildest dreams.”
At press time, the excited young writer said that while he believes he has perfected the art of dog whistle racism ahead of his new job, he hopes to learn more insidious methods from “the best in the business”.