Saying that the new product will surely satisfy the most fervent and blind of nationalists, the Premier League today unveiled a new poppy true blue football to cater for Britain’s right-wing nutjobs.
Speaking at the launch of the ball this afternoon, Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore stated that the Nike-manufactured Jingo 2.1 – which comes adorned with a red poppy of remembrance, the word “Easter” written on it and a Union Jack logo – marked a new era for branded merchandise aimed almost exclusively at pedantic ultra-conservative zealots.
“The right-wing market is growing, and we’re well aware of this. More than this, however, we’re aware of how vocal they are. That’s why we at the Premier League worked closely with Nike to produce a ball which would accurately reflect the sheltered and fragile mind of extremists, while simultaneously containing enough detail to satisfy their eagle-eyed nature,” said Scudamore to an audience of industry executives and Britain First members today.
“The inclusion of Easter and the poppy on the regal blue background means this ball has everything that an extremist needs. We’ve even equipped it with a special scratch and sniff Winston Churchill bust which we believe caps it off nicely.”
While many attendance were pleased with the reveal, sources at the scene claim a number of English Defence League members later gatecrashed the event to protest its exclusion of the word “Britain” and its omission of Tommy Robinson.