John Terry’s lap of honour at Stamford Bridge has entered its 20th hour, according to sources at the ground.
Wiping tears away from his face and waving gently at the near entirely empty stadium on Monday afternoon, the Chelsea captain is said to have spent the entire morning and previous night blowing kisses and high-fiving the non-existant crowd.
“He’s been out there going all night. There’s absolutely no one there apart from staff, but no one has the heart to tell him to come in. He seems to think the stadium is still packed. It’s pretty weird,” said one staff member, adding that while Terry had gotten tired around 7am, he appeared to have gained a second wind.
“Every time we think he’s gonna finish, he perks back up, runs over to the stands and signs imaginary autographs and poses for imaginary selfies. We assume he’ll tire himself eventually but it’s not happened yet.”
At press time, staff tentatively suggested Terry’s lap of honour might soon be ending as the defender hurled what sounded like racial epithets towards an empty seat close to the pitch.