Using information and research techniques described as both “groundbreaking” and “wholly unnecessary”, a new study comparing the attributes and skills of Alexandre Lacazette, Romelu Lukaku and Alvaro Morata has revealed that you have too much time on your hands.
The study, conducted by Stanford University, used arguments taken from social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, as well as online forums, which were then cross-referenced with the players’ actual statistics.
The results, say the research team behind the study, illustrate just how much time you have on your hands which could be spent doing something productive.
“This study, the first of its kind, has shown us what many people had already assumed: that you and many of the people you argue with online have far too much free time,” said lead researcher Dr. Tom Rambo, adding that while it was always believed to be the case, science was until now unaware just how much time was being wasted on nonsense like this.
“We were able to deduce that you could do literally anything else with your time and it would be more worthwhile than comparing these three men. Even arguing face-to-face would at least have some sort of social benefit.”
The study later recommended that you consider getting some kind of life, or at the very least stop living vicariously through the achievement of the team you support.